I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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