I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
