I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
