Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
