Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
