do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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