he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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