Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
