So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
