Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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