...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
