found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
