explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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