Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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