see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
