new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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