I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
