Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
