It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
