My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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