Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
