Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
