I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
