I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize