I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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