I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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