That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
