Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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