I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
