No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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