I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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