this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
