forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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