Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
