I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
