if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
