he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
