batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
