so that wasnt chicken after all
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
