your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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