All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
