I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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