My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
