I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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