I wish I could teleport
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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