So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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