first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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