I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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