once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You have to summon your inner elephant
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
