apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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