I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
