I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
