Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
