can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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