the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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