I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize