Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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