why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize