The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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