We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I CAN MOONWALK!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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