Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
