There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
