Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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