I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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