So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
