Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
