i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
