Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
