when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize