I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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