dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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