It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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