wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
