There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
