Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
