So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
