Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
