just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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