How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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