god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
