I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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