Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
