Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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