The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
