Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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