Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
