Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize