Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
