By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
