But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
