i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
