google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
